god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
