Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
