Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
