I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
