Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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