so explain again why im purple
no
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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