I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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