Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize