Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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