No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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