I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
