It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
