There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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