Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
