I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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