Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
