I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
