Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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