youre lurking in front of me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
