HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
