I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
