Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you had me at cake vodka
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
