..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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