I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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