if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
