I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
