THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
