The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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