amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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