Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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