i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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