I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
