Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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