i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm bleeding and have questions
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
