Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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