there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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