Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
