Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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