He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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