i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i've created a new STD.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
