that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
