K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
