I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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