I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize