your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
