I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
