i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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