hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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