I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
