coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
