remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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