at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
