I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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