And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
