When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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