I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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