butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
