Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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