paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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