Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
