Quick, to the slutcave!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
